A Guide to Better Sex – 4 Killer Tips

You are probably scouring the Internet already for a guide to better sex. However, the fact is that doing just a few out-of-the-ordinary things, you could take your performance several notches higher. Here are some tips for improving your sexual performance.

Take Things Out of the Bedroom

Don’t be fixated on the bedroom for your sexual episodes. You should try out different things. How about having sex in the kitchen or in the bathroom? Maybe you could move to the balcony and have sex there at night when the world is sleeping. Maybe you could do that in your backyard as well. Sounds risky, does it? But then that’s the fun of such spontaneous sex in out of the way places. Try it-sure it is making you hot just thinking about it.

Bring Outside Things into Your Performance

Have you tried out sex toys yet? If you haven’t, you are really missing out on something. These toys can really add more excitement to the game. Get a dildo or a vibrator and add immense pleasure to your act. You should take a look at the collections that are available online-some of them are bound to take your breath away.

Get into Some Role-Playing

Why do thing the same way all the time? Role-playing can add a great deal of excitement to your sexual act. You pretend to be someone different and everything becomes so very different and exciting. You could try something daring like BDSM or some other kind of fetish sex and add to your adventure together.

Unleash Your Fantasies

There is no one who doesn’t have a sex-related fantasy. However, some people get their fantasies realized while most others just spend their days. You should actually gather the courage to speak with your partner about your sexual fantasy. And listen to their fantasy as well. If you help your partner in their fantasy, you will get the reciprocation and things could get really interesting for you.

Spirituality and the Morality of Sex and Promiscuity

Myths abound surrounding the topics of sex, promiscuity, and spirituality.

Consider this anonymous feedback we received from “Emily”: “So two guys who obviously aren’t into commitment write about what a less-than-desirable ideal sexual commitment is, with no thought of feeding the kids. How very cool. Strong families are the bedrock for a strong city or state or nation. We must rise above promiscuity in order to achieve greater things and optimum survival for all. That’s what ethics is all about. The more preoccupied people become with sex, the less productive and less able they are to achieve spiritual, intellectual growth, and this would also apply to cities, states and nations. Therefore, this is not only about better survival for individuals, but also for our society and for all mankind.”

We have always promoted a healthy, responsible, and honest approach to dating, sex, and relationships. Clearly, this person is misrepresenting our writings.

The definition of “promiscuous,” according to Merriam-Webster dictionary, is “having many sexual partners.” Everyone has a different idea about how many sexual partners in a lifetime would put them in the “promiscuous” category.

Also, it’s important to note that the word promiscuous is also defined as “without discrimination,” as if one would sleep with anyone, anytime, no matter what. We believe that’s unhealthy and don’t advocate doing it. For this article, we define promiscuous as not limiting yourself to one partner, while being honest, safe, selective, cautious, and responsible.

“A promiscuous person is a person who is getting more sex than you are.” Victor Lownes

It’s shocking that someone would attempt to control the behavior of consenting adults–strangers they don’t even know–though it shouldn’t be if you consider how many control-freak busybodies there are in this world (e.g., bureaucrats, politicians, and lobbyists with a moral superiority complex). “Morals” are subjective and a judgmental, puritanical attitude is about as far from being spiritual as you can get.

“Chastity: The most unnatural of the sexual perversions.” Aldous Huxley

“Rising above promiscuity” has nothing to do with “achieving greater things and (the) optimum survival for all.” In fact, repressing your sexual urges can be dangerous because it results in perversion. There’s nothing wrong with consensual sex between adults, and a healthy sex life doesn’t diminish productivity or spiritual and intellectual growth–in fact it can absolutely enhance it once you get over your sexual hang-ups.

Mutually satisfying sex with one person exclusively over the course of a lifetime is a nice thought, but unfortunately it’s extraordinarily rare and pure fantasy for most people. When the sexual attraction dies (often after two to seven years) you can remain companions, but if that’s not fulfilling enough for you, do you really prefer a slow, inner death, just to prove to everyone your relationship can last 50 years? Attention all couples: more communication and honesty about this topic will decrease the risk of secret affairs.

Emily’s comment about, “no thought of feeding the kids,” is absolutely ironic because we are staunch advocates of putting the child first (i.e., creating a child contract rather than a marriage contract–we write about that concept previous articles), instead of the selfish needs of two unhappy adults who are trying, unsuccessfully, to conform to the nearly impossible expectations and demands of traditional marriage.

“Ethics” is all about transparency and honesty-a person can be monogamous or non-monogamous and still be ethical. The problem is when one is deceitful, such as when a married person cheats (and statistics show at least 50% of married people do cheat).

The survival and advancement of society and mankind requires, in part, productivity, responsibility, and integrity. It’s thwarted by unhappy people in sexless marriages, attempting to permanently uphold the fantasy of the nuclear family. An approximate 60% divorce rate, in addition to countless unhappy couples attempting to “make it work,” suggests that the prevailing marriage model is absolutely dysfunctional.

It’s okay to have believed the myth about promiscuity being evil; its perfectly acceptable and natural to have many sexual partners over the course of your life, as long as you are responsible, safe, and respectful.

Copyright © 2014 Scott Petullo, Stephen Petullo

Keep the Sex Away and He’ll Keep Coming Your Way

When a man really has the hots for you, he’ll be motivated to please you. Men live to please women, that is a fact.

Women often forget this and turn the tables around trying to “get” men, however, it is because they do not understand how men work.

If you can understand a man’s ego, how fragile it is and how much he desires to please a woman, then you’ll know how to be successful with men.

The key is this: be fun, unique, authentic, independent and unpredictable then show a man a lot of appreciation and stroke his ego in all of the right places.

He’ll be eating out of your hands.

This is not about spoiling men or being a doormat. This is about understanding what works for men. Men want freedom aka a woman’s baggage safely stowed away. Men want to have fun aka a happy chick who can get up and go. Men want unpredictable aka, they hate being bored. Most of all, men want a woman who wants to be herself not another version of Barbie or God forbid Ken.

When you date around without sleeping around while being an amazing woman, it puts you in the category of “genius” You are seen as intelligent because you are selective. You are viewed to have pride in yourself which ups your attraction. Men value women who aren’t easy and they secretly know that they can more than wait if they are really into you.

Don’t fall for the ridiculous nonsense about a man NEEDING sex to survive. If a man puts pressure on you for that, let him go and dip his stick somewhere else but not with you.

The Disease of Sex Addiction II

Many people resist the notion that sex addiction is a disease. But in The Minnesota Model, a seminal book on addiction recovery, Spicer points out the similarities between chemical dependence and the disease concept. Borrowing from George Vaillant’s The Natural History of Alcoholism, Spicer shows how chemical dependence, like a disease, cuts across cultural and socioeconomic lines, is progressive, has specific signs and symptoms, and has a recommended course of treatment. In our view, sex addiction is no different. Here’s why:

Does Not Discriminate

First, like other diseases, sex addiction is an equal opportunity disease. It could care less about your race or culture. It doesn’t care about the fact that you’re young, middle-aged, or elderly. And it doesn’t care if you’re broke or wealthy. It’s a debilitating disease that affects people from all walks of life without discrimination or prejudice.

Progressive

Second, like other diseases, sex addiction is progressive. The frequency, intensity, and measure of risk increases with time. Masturbation may progress from once-a-week to three times a day. What began as a once-a-year trip to get an erotic massage turns into a twice-a-week event. The need for greater intensity leads to greater risk-taking. In the process, sex addicts contract sexually transmitted diseases, get caught in sting operations, and even commit suicide. Spicer writes that “people with a disease find their responses are less flexible.” The sex addict’s response to the normal ups and downs of life become progressively confined to a single, destructive response: the search for sexual satisfaction.

Has Recognizable Signs and Symptoms

Third, like other diseases, sex addiction shows certain signs and symptoms. Addicts often display some of the following symptoms: a deep feeling of shame and guilt following acting out behavior, constant obsession with acting out, and general malaise if unable to engage in the behavior. They also show the following signs: an inordinate amount of time spent in the pursuit of and recuperating from sex, unsuccessful attempts at stopping their behavior on their own, and decreased engagement in social, professional, or recreational activities. Once people acknowledge that they need help, they complain of having most, if not all of these signs and symptoms.

Has a Recommended Treatment

Finally, like other diseases, the diagnosis comes with a set of specific interventions that promote recovery. In its simplest form the prescription is this: individual therapy, group therapy, and 12-step meetings. In the process of participating in these relational activities, one needs learn about their disease and the tools needed to recover from it, how to manage their emotions without acting out, and maybe most importantly, how to be honest with themselves and others. When sex addicts follow the suggested course of treatment, it’s our experience that they recover to live happy and meaningful lives.